Category Archives: humor

let me tell you a story…

Thought I’d share a few treasured high school dance pictures from the late 80’s. I once heard it said the my generation, Generation X, is the generation that thinks they are cooler than their kids. I believe there may be some truth to that and can’t you see why? Look at the hairdos we invented, the make-up, the Risky Business sunglasses, the puff sleeve… we’re a generation that understood and embraced fashion… (oh wait, shouldn’t that be present tense…)

Now for the tale I promised yesterday-

I attended high school in Southern California, where it was very difficult, as it is in most places, to find a prom dress that didn’t in some way show off something that should be secret. My mom and many other Mormon mothers of that generation strived to maintain control of the modestly and virtue of their daughters by sewing their prom dresses.  My one friend, K (pictured on the right, both rows) had very rigorous modesty guidelines, as you can see from the two dresses she’s wearing above, (thank you Jessica McClintock) likely and expressly her mom’s dress picks.

One year, I believe it was senior prom, K’s mom decided to make her daughter’s dress. But as human nature continually affirms, she procrastinated sewing the dress until the very last minute. She took up the project so late that the final stitches were placed as K used half a bottle of hairspray on her fancy 80’s hairdo and applied the finishing touches of her high school prom make-up. The finished dress was zipped onto the girl and the room fell silent.

The discreetly humble homemade dress was unquestionably the tightest, hottest, low-cut creation a girl could ever dream of wearing. Oh, sleeves were present, but they draped alluringly across her biceps leaving the entire decolletage for the viewing. Let me conjoir up an image-

Oh no, not quite this fit… although this was the shape of the bodice.


This was the look she pulled off. It was fantastically immodest, absolutely stunning, fitting her 17 year old figure like a glove. There was nothing to be done but hand her a winter coat, beg her to wear it and watch her drive off into the California sunset with one extremely lucky high school boy.

 

Ok, not quite like Christina Henricks, but I had to throw it in. No gal can pull it off like she can.

hot trends in men’s fall fashion

20120921-095406.jpg
The New York Times Style Magazine, Men’s Fall Fashion 2012. Jay-Z gracing the cover, lots of Neal Caffrey (of White Collar) and Don Draper (of Mad Men) wannabe dream boys taking themselves very seriously on the pages. Honestly, I am very happy to see mens fashion headed in a more sophisticated retro 60′s direction.

20120921-095417.jpg
After flipping just a few pages you come to this full page Louis Vuitton ad. Ooh… fancy, fresh, intriguing, puzzling, itchy -wait- seriously? Why must high fashion be so foreign filmish, and what’s in the bag, buddy?
You’re making me so hot in that turtleneck.

Which reminds me… anyone remember this Saturday Night Live skit with host Dane Cook?

no need to panic, maybe

20120830-144215.jpg
My brother and sister-in-law and tiny baby nephew recently moved to New Orleans. Their first hurricane experience just came and went- luckily, they dealt with run-of-the-mill rain and wind and that was about the extent of it, we’re all relieved.  Here are the hurricane procedures that really helped them in their preparations-

Soon, you’re going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some spinning red thing headed toward our coast and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

If you’re new to the area, you’re probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we’ll get hit by “the big one.”
Follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

HOMEOWNERS’ INSURANCE:
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Louisiana, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you’ll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like a bad talk show host.

EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned.. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver’s license; if it says Louisiana, you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don’t evacuate, you will need a lot of supplies. Louisiana tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.

In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
–23 Flashlights.
–At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
–Bleach. (No, I don’t know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it’s traditional, so GET some!)
–A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
–A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
–And $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no visible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the gulf and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the gulf.